Sleep doesn't come easy on a night like this...

It's 2:30 am. I know this because the dull green light of my alarm clock is aimed directly at my face. I graduate college in a little over a week and I find myself unable to sleep thanks to the uncertainties of tomorrow,  but I won't depress you with those details.  I prayed about it, and something about my conversation with God is telling me to let it go. But, I still can't sleep. My homework is complete,  and my house is secure. The bedroom is a comfortable 73-degrees.  I should have no trouble snoozing off....but I'm still awake.  Now, let me tell you why...

-American Dad has lost my interest
-the crime dramas I normally watch just make me nervous after dark
-I started a new book with the hopes of going to sleep while reading it; I just got bored with it.
-my cd collection is now organized
-who listens to cd's anymore?
-is my milk fresh?
-I've contemplated my next car purchase...I need to know what my salary will be before I can nail that down, and now we're back to the job issue; moving on...
-I'll go to St. Simons; if I leave now I can see the sun rise...oh wait,  I still have school
-if I were married now, I wonder what my wife would say about me still being up?
-I don't want to workout in 3 hours
-But, I should go...I'll see if I'm still up at that point.
-I could go for a late night drive and listen to music...but, gas is too expensive
-I KNOW, I'll clean my kitchen...hahaha, yeah right
-I need new clothes
-maybe I'll get a cat to keep me company
-I'm allergic to cats
-I should write a book
-or just blog for a little bit; maybe that will make me sleepy.

These are all the thoughts that have passed through my head, and the things that I have done to try to go to sleep...With no avail.  Oh well...morning will be here soon. 

A Cool Morning in North Georgia

The coolness in the air seems to linger a little harsher this morning in North Georgia. These mornings, spent in a place he loved, are the mornings that make me long for my grandfather...at any moment he will walk through the back door...out here to the porch swing and say those ever-familiar words "good morning, son! You sleep good last night?"...The sun is creeping over the far tree line, and my day will begin soon,  but it just doesn't seem to numb this emptiness I feel.

There is a stump to my right that he began cutting on last July...A Briggs and Stratton motor that he had torn apart in his workshop that he never had a chance chance to fix...time may move on for us, but here at this second home, in what my grandmother affectionately refers to as "God's County", time seems to have stopped for him.

As I near my bachelor's graduation in 2 months, the trial of marking this occasion is one that I ponder often. While my grandparents had 3 blood grandchildren (and many honorary grandchildren and great grandchildren, thanks to my sister and I) I was the only blood grandson...Our bond was unimaginable. The diploma would have seemed worthless in my hand compared to the large smile that would have been on his face, if he could have been there...now I will face the day with a void...The void of my grandfather. 

The sun is up now, and I need to run to the grocery store. While the music and laughter of my everyday life tend to hide the "tracks of my tears"...The emptiness remains.  I am coming to terms with the fact that this is life.

" 3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."
-Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8